It was a long weekend here in Toronto and we went to the cottage for three days. We always look forward to this time of year. Although, the weather rarely cooperates we always enjoy the break. We left on Friday afternoon. Being a long weekend, we faced some heavy traffic and the 2 hour drive took 2 1/2 hours instead. Emma and Sofia were great on the drive, however, they slept for a good chunk of time and I knew it meant trouble for bedtime.
Arriving at the cottage grandma and grandpa were thrilled to play with the girls. We let them stay-up an hour past their normal bedtime. When we put them down they were both extremely unhappy. Unfortunately, I have learned that at this point I need to leave the room as lingering and trying to soothe them without holding them escalates the situation and makes matters worse. It’s important to us that they learn to fall asleep without our assistance.
Eventually they both fell asleep. Secretly, I was hoping that going to bed an hour later meant waking up an hour later in the morning. I was WRONG. They woke up at 5:45am instead of 6:30am and were more upset than usual. Reluctantly, we started our day early. During the remainder of our stay we noticed a big difference in both girls, especially Emma. They were crying a lot more and clearly wanted to be held by Sean and I. As soon as I left the room Emma would cry and fuss. Once she was in my arms she would smile with smug satisfaction. Sofia caught on quickly and before I knew it I was holding both babies for most of the weekend.
After some research, it’s clear that separation anxiety has kicked in. I must admit, it feels wonderfully satisfying to get this sort of admiration from my babies. Them wanting me and only me makes me feel special I guess. However, I can also see this becoming frustrating and at times annoying. My family’s, consensus is that I not respond to each cry and allow them to cry it out. What do you think?
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Advise is great, but actually living it is the hard part. My youngest is so attached to me (and me to her of course). But as a mother you know what is best and your instincts kick in so I found it very hard to not pick her up when she was obviously miserable. A great way, I found, to help with separation anxiety was to play peek-a-boo. As an example, Alfea would be with Daddy in the living room and I would be in the kitchen. When she would start to fuss, I would peek my head around the corner – peek-a-boo. This reassured her that I was still close and that it was fun to play with Daddy and Virginia. We practice this still. But hang in there it does get better as they get older and their confidence grows. And I’m sure you’ll agree that being a great mommy means taking a moment for yourself and you can’t do that with babies in your arms all day
I agree. It’s one thing to get advise and a whole other thing to live it. The funny thing about my girls is that I’m often forced to leave them alone. I have had to do this since they were little. For instance, I bring one downstairs while the other stays in her crib after a nap. I can’t carry them both down our stairs at the same time. They are never bothered by this because they know I will always come back. However, this past weekend it changed. It must have been because they were in a new environment. We will try and play more peek-a-boo;) Thanks.
I know what you mean…I always make sure I say a big “bye bye” with hugs and kisses when I leave. I tried sneaking out once, and it was awful. My son cried for 45 mins. after I left.
Also…I know it’s tough to rise with much enthusiasm at 5:45 a.m. What does one do then? I don’t think Starbucks is even open!
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Thank you so much for letting me know about your blog. Your girls are beautiful, and I enjoyed reading your experiences. Enjoy every moment, even the tough ones – the grow up so fast! I will be following along – very entertaining.
Elle your stories are my life. Our boys, Andrew and Robert, are very attached to me and Martin especially when the surroundings are new and there are new faces that want to hold and hug them, those lower lips start to quiver. One thing that I have learned along the way, especially when I first had my daughter is that everyone has a different opinion and although it may have worked for them does not mean that it is right for me or my babies. I do what feels right to us and if it means me having to stay up all night long because one of my babies need me, then so be it. A mother’s instinct never fails!
Your girls are beautiful. We missed you at the reunion. I really wanted to see you and exchange stories because we were the only two in the class having identicals. Congradulations on your beautiful family…aren’t we so lucky!!!
Fatima, thanks for sharing your story. I agree. Ultimately, my instincts are my internal compass and it’s important I listen to them. My girls are so important to me and nothing else matters when they need me.