::We are back from our five week trip to the U.S. and are now enjoying some down time at the cottage.::

This week started with an e-mail from work wanting to know when I was returning. My heart sunk when I got the e-mail. First, I knew that this meant the end of my employment insurance cheques.  Second I had to fess up about not wanting to go back to work and finally the realization that my girls are nearly a year old.

I’m panicked about our finances and how we will manage but have faith in the universe that somehow it will work out. With some creativity, patience and energy we will manage the next four years. I’m sure of it. However, this thought brings me to another source of anxiety, getting back into the job market after 4 years. I have been thinking of taking some on-line courses and perhaps even working on getting a master’s degree. I also flirt with the idea of going to teacher’s college and joining my husband with his Christmas, March and summer holidays.

During this time I have also come to the realization that I love receiving a paycheque and know in my heart that I enjoy earning money. I need to take this time, be gentle with myself and for once truly figure out what it is I love and what I really want to be when I grow up.

Have you figured it out? Do you have a job you love? Was it easy going back to work after being a full-time mama?

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It was a long weekend here in Toronto and we went to the cottage for three days. We always look forward to this time of year. Although, the weather rarely cooperates we always enjoy the break. We left on Friday afternoon. Being a long weekend, we faced some heavy traffic and the 2 hour drive took 2 1/2 hours instead. Emma and Sofia were great on the drive, however, they slept for a good chunk of time and I knew it meant trouble for bedtime.

Arriving at the cottage grandma and grandpa were thrilled to play with the girls. We let them stay-up an hour past their normal bedtime. When we put them down they were both extremely unhappy. Unfortunately, I have learned that at this point I need to leave the room as lingering and trying to soothe them without holding them escalates the situation and makes matters worse.  It’s important to us that they learn to fall asleep without our assistance.

Eventually they both fell asleep. Secretly, I was hoping that going to bed an hour later meant waking up an hour later in the morning. I was WRONG. They woke up at 5:45am instead of 6:30am and were more upset than usual. Reluctantly, we started our day early. During the remainder of our stay we noticed a big difference in both girls, especially Emma. They were crying a lot more and clearly wanted to be held by Sean and I. As soon as I left the room Emma would cry and fuss. Once she was in my arms she would smile with smug satisfaction. Sofia caught on quickly and before I knew it I was holding both babies for most of the weekend.

After some research, it’s clear that separation anxiety has kicked in.  I must admit, it feels wonderfully satisfying to get this sort of admiration from my babies. Them wanting me and only me makes me feel special I guess. However, I can also see this becoming frustrating and at times annoying. My family’s, consensus is that I not respond to each cry and allow them to cry it out. What do you think?

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1. whiny hour
2. bobcaygeon-the cottage
3. Twelve Weeks Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old

One of my favourite places on earth is my in-laws cottage in Bobcaygeon. We spend most of our summers there and couldn’t wait to introduce our beloved second home to Emma and Sofia. This past weekend we made our first two hour drive with the girls. My lovely in-laws have created a room especially for Sofia and Emma equipped with two white cribs, toys, books, clothes and a change table to ensure we all feel comfortable and at ease when visiting.

We got there just in time for bed.  Surprisingly, they gave us very little trouble going down the first night. Once they fell asleep, we poured some wine and sat down for dinner. The cottage is on Sturgeon Lake and while you sit at the dining room table you have a wonderful view of the lake and the most fabulous sunsets. The photographs are the sunsets from the three nights we spent there-Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.

[View with PicLens]

The most relaxing and enjoyable time at the cottage happens right before the sunsets. We usually go for a swim, come out, get dry, sit and watch the sun go down with a robust, full glass of red wine. With my head on Sean’s shoulder, I breathe deep to take in the sweet smell of the evening air watching the sun disappear and wonder, will my girls sit on this bench with the one they love someday?

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1. separation anxiety