::We are back from our five week trip to the U.S. and are now enjoying some down time at the cottage.::

This week started with an e-mail from work wanting to know when I was returning. My heart sunk when I got the e-mail. First, I knew that this meant the end of my employment insurance cheques.  Second I had to fess up about not wanting to go back to work and finally the realization that my girls are nearly a year old.

I’m panicked about our finances and how we will manage but have faith in the universe that somehow it will work out. With some creativity, patience and energy we will manage the next four years. I’m sure of it. However, this thought brings me to another source of anxiety, getting back into the job market after 4 years. I have been thinking of taking some on-line courses and perhaps even working on getting a master’s degree. I also flirt with the idea of going to teacher’s college and joining my husband with his Christmas, March and summer holidays.

During this time I have also come to the realization that I love receiving a paycheque and know in my heart that I enjoy earning money. I need to take this time, be gentle with myself and for once truly figure out what it is I love and what I really want to be when I grow up.

Have you figured it out? Do you have a job you love? Was it easy going back to work after being a full-time mama?

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Isn’t it funny that most of us still don’t know. All right, maybe it’s not all that funny but come on, most of the people I know or read about on other blogs are all searching for their true passions. 

Many of us want a simple life. The kind of life where we can be creative, stay home with our children, have a roof over our heads, eat foods that are healthy and organic, be good to the planet, enjoy nature, be healthy and have people who love and care for us. Yet, we all struggle and feel deprived of time, money, health, community and ultimately happiness.

For now, I have accepted the idea that there may not be some all-defining career future. In the meantime, I have decided to focus on what really matters to me and my life as its lived in the present.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my top five values and passions. What’s really important to me? What do I want for my family? Here is  a list of my top five values in no particular order:

1. Freedom – to do what I want, when I want and where I want-financial freedom

2. Family/friends – to spend time and have energy to love my family and friends fully and completely

3. Security-  financially, in my marriage, create a safe space for my girls, to feel safe

4. Creativity- film, music, writing, reading, food, art, photography, travel = HAPPINESS

5. Health

It took a lot of time and deep soul searching to come up with these five. The trick was complete honesty with myself and to not even consider what others would think when they heard or read my list.

Next, my top five passions-again in no particular order:

1) Family-Emma and Sofia, Sean, my mom/dad, sister and family, aunts, cousins etc. etc.

2) Travel

3) Food

4) Photography

5) Writing/Reading

This exercise unraveled so much for me. It has helped me find more time(by focusing on only the things that are most important to me), more money (by cutting our spending drastically, trying to live well below our means, not impulse shopping, saving, creating an emergency fund, paying down debt), more security (knowing and believing that if we lost all our “stuff” we would still have each other, our health and the knowledge to move forward) more freedom (by taking long walks, sitting and playing in the sun, planning crafts and projects, going to my in-laws cottage to be with family and friends) more creativity (starting this blog, taking more pictures, saving for family trips, planning an organic garden, painting, writing, reading and doing what we can to sit outside and enjoy the beautiful trees, plants and birds right in our backyard.

For me, sorting out our financial life has been my number one priority. So much of my other values and passions are tied to me being able to stay at home with my girls, not worrying about money and doing what I love. If you are in a similar situation and can relate start by reading Trent’s “31 Days to Fixing your Finances.” I found it to be extremely helpful. His series was my tipping point.

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1. marriage-love

“Do I go back to work full-time or do I stay home with my kids?”  This is a popular topic in my house these days. I have pretty much decided and I feel so thankful to have options and be able to make a choice. We have decided that for our family the best thing to do is for me to stay home until my girls are at school full-time. It will take a lot of sacrifices financially as we will have to live on a teacher’s salary, but with good money management and planning before hand I am sure we can do it. Not to say it will be easy but we feel it’s the best decision.

I feel guilty about leaving my job as my current employer has been so understanding and so supportive. But the pregnancy happened and I had no idea we would have twins. The reality in Toronto, Canada is that daycare for our two girls full-time will cost a whopping $24,000 a year. My salary after taxes is only $4,000 more. I would have to pay for transit $1,200/year, work clothes $700/year, lunches and the odd beverage. When you add it all up the decision becomes really easy to make. Also when the kids get sick, which they inevitably will, I will have to take time off and still pay for the day. Then during the summer while Sean is home and can be with them we still have to pay for the 2 months to ensure we have our spot for the following September.

You may be thinking, “why don’t you find a higher paying job?” The answer is very simple-because I really want to stay home and raise my girls. However, when they go to school full-time I plan on going back to work and starting my career at 35. I want to be a good role model for my girls and I think it’s important for them to see their mom go to work and really enjoy what she does on a daily basis.  I’ve already found a job I really love – being a mom, but now I’ve got five years to figure out what it is I’ll love to do after the girls start school . My focus and goal for now, is to enjoy everyday that I have to spend with my girls.

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2. what do you want to be when you grow up?