This past Sunday we celebrated Sofia and Emma’s first birthday. It was a lovely day spent with friends and family. Unfortunately, the weather did not cooperate as we had hoped. It was cloudy, windy and cold, but we managed to spend 80% of the time in our backyard.

yummy homemade snacks

I made homemade diamond cheese crackers as a substitute to Gold Fish Crackers. I prefer them not double baked.

fruit salad

smarties

The Zucchini Bread featured behind the smarties turned out to be moist and uber delicious. You should try it (note: I omitted the nuts)

ZUCCHINI BREAD    350F

Combine
3 eggs
2 1/2cups sugar
3 tsp vanilla
1 cup oil

Sift together
3 cups flour
1/4tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
3 tsp cinnamon
1/2tsp nutmeg

Add dry ingredients to the wet ones.
Add    1/2cup chopped walnuts
2 cups grated zucchini
Pour into 2 greased loaf pans
Cook 1 hour.
Freezes well.

It was no surprise that Emma and Sofia loved their sugary treat. They wanted to eat the carrot cake by the fist full.

I had hoped to have better pictures of the two of them but these are all I managed to take. Enjoy.

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my Sofia and Emma

fresh bbq corn

open fires

“Miracle Fortress”

shooting stars

my sister

the cottage with friends

My lovely sister managed to snap these two beautiful shots of the girls while we were in Florida. In the past ten years my sister and I, who are 9 years apart, have become increasingly closer.  She is my best friend, and my biggest supporter. I will share more  about her in a later post. I promise.

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I’m thrilled to be writing this post. I’m so happy to be here. At first I felt teribble about not posting but I don’t feel bad anymore. Being away from my daily routine is tough at times but I love being with my family and love watching my girls grow rapidly everyday.

Sofia and Emma are eager to walk. They both stand up with support and completely let go wanting to take steps. It’s just a matter of weeks before they take their very first step. They love Florida and spent over an 1 hour in the pool yesterday. My sister’s house is huge and she has kindly child proofed the entire space so that the girls can roam freely. Their cousins Milad and Ariana entertain them endlessly with funny sounds, new games, toys and songs. They’re sleeping well and have started to eat cheese, yogurt, and a varity of congee’s.

Time for myself is rare and finding a computer with wireless internet is not easy. When the babies are down for the evening, I sit with my family and drink wine, eat dinner and I generally can’t keep my eyes open after 10pm. We’ll be home soon, but right now my family is winning out over the computer. In the meantime, here are a few new pictures.

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This is something I don’t like to talk about and I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to bring it up here. But I have made a promise to myself to keep this blog honest and real, so here it is…

I haven’t seen my father for over 10 years. It’s not because we aren’t speaking or had a huge fight. No, it’s nothing like that. It’s just…well I guess put simply it’s life’s circumstances. Unfair as it may seem, certain uncontrollable factors have created this distance that keeps us apart.

my dad as a young boy

My father has never met my husband nor my Sofia and Emma. He wasn’t there for my high school or university graduation, he didn’t walk me down the aisle, he didn’t help us move into our new home, and he has never held his grandchildren.

For many years I was quietly seething that my dad was not around. I didn’t care if he had good reason. I didn’t care that he wanted to be here but it wasn’t possible. I didn’t care that he missed me, wrote me, called me weekly and made sure to be involved in any way possible. I hated him. He has always felt this closeness to me as though he knows everything about me. I can never do wrong in my father’s eyes and he truly is my biggest fan. I found his love and affection suffocating at times. I remember thinking, “How could he love me when he doesn’t even know me.”

The day after I had Emma and Sofia I cried fiercely. It wasn’t because I was in pain or even because I was elated. I was weeping for my father. You see, it finally hit me, I understood now. The love of a father. The love of a parent. The bitter pain he has felt for the past ten years shot through my veins. My heart ached for him and for the choices he had to make. The idea of having to ever leave my girls so that they can live a ‘better’ life is unfathomable. It’s a choice no parent should ever have to face. Holding my girls and looking deep into their eyes, I wondered what it was like for my father when he experienced the exact same moment with me when I was born.

my dad and sister

My father and I are closer now. He still calls me every week. He is a strong, optimistic and kind man. He is a good father and I forgive him because I finally understand.

Happy Father’s Day to all the wonderful dad’s in this world who want nothing but the best for the children even if it means scarficing their heart.

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::We got to spend some time outside today -Sofia in her summer dress::

::Here is Emma-smiling::

::Emma enjoying some Breakfast O’s::

::Sofia::

::Check out the mouth full of teeth::

::Sofia and her daddy watching a dog::

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Oh my goodness you’re already 9 months old. Happy birthday lovie loos. It’s hard to think back to two years ago when I desperately wanted a baby. It was all consuming and my lovely and supportive mom kept saying, “Don’t think about it. You’ll get pregnant when you least expect it.” How could I not think about it? It was impossible. I ached for you everyday. Although I’m a very open person, I didn’t share this deep desire with many. This was so personal and private and I didn’t want people to ask every time they saw me or to feel sorry for me because it was taking so long. We had to wait 11 long months before it was confirmed that I was pregnant with you. We were so proud when we found out we were going to have two baby girls. So many expected us to be scared or overwhelmed but we were exactly the opposite. We couldn’t wait to meet you and here you are all grown-up.

Emma-

My lovely, brilliant, athletic girl. You just learned to say ‘up.’ You approach us and want ‘up.’ Sometimes you even look up at me and say ‘up’ and giggle when a pick you up. You’re eager to stand on your already very sturdy legs. You can crawl and sit from a crawl position and love to climb Sofia. You love to clap and smile. You are not particularly attached to any one toy and you love it when mama reads Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?

Sofia-

My lovely, brilliant, sociable girl. You just learned to say ‘mama.’ You say it when you are feeling particularly needy of attention and want to cuddle with me. You’re ability and determination to get to where you want is amazing. You smile at strangers and trust everyone. You’re very attached to mama’s small Clinique make-up bag. You grab on to it from the minute you get up and take it with you everywhere. I have offered you more cuddly options but you’re simply not interested. You love rolling around on the carpet and you also love it when mama reads Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?.

We have just started finger foods. It’s fascinating watching you figure out how to use your hands and to feed yourselves. You make a great big mess but I’m proud that you work so hard to gain independence. Although, I miss holding you and feeding you I’m delighted you hold your bottles on your own and drink your formula side-by-side without assistance. I’m so grateful you have each other. There are few things in life better than a sister. My hope is you’ll be close and support each other when you need it most.

mamaloves you so much.

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When I met my husband he totally wasn’t my type. I mean, he was a teacher, casual dresser, funny, musician, and a writer. I always thought I wanted the corporate man – a man who traveled for work, the ‘rich’ man, a serious, romantic man, an older man who would rescue me and look after me.  However, the universe had different plans for me. My core was stronger than all the outer layers, and what I thought I wanted was actually not what was best for me at all.

photo by Bard Azima

You see, Sean did rescue me in a sense except it was harder than what I expected. He has made me stand up for myself. Has taught me to fight back and to live a life that is simple and fulfilling. He has held my hand while I struggled with career choices. He’s always there to wipe my tears when I desperately miss my family and can’t bare to be apart for another day. He nurses me back to health and always gives me the most thoughtful gifts. Any man can walk into Tiffany’s and buy the latest and trendiest bracelet but very few would take a beading class to make you a necklace with a coin from a previous vacation spot because he knows that’s exactly what you would want.

I was always told not to marry for love – that love would come later. Marry for security and status and you will be happy. It never made sense to me. Marrying without love was like trying to eat when there was no food. However, now I understand what was meant by this sentiment. Marriage is hard. Raising kids together is even harder. Life in general can be tough. But I still don’t agree. I’m grateful I married for love. We don’t have a big house, we don’t drive a fancy car, we eat at home almost every night, I don’t have a cleaning lady and I don’t have a pair of Jimmy Choos. What I do have is this: a husband who loves me just as I am, a house, a reliable and comfortable car, delicious home cooked meals with my family every night and a husband who helps with all the chores and never complains if the house is unkempt.

Sean may not be the corporate man who travels the world for work. He doesn’t wear Armani suits (although when he does he’s mighty sexy) and I wouldn’t say he’s rich.  But he is a man that is home every night to eat dinner with his family, bathes his girls and helps tuck them in. He is honest, patient, educated, well traveled, amazing with his children and is extremely ‘rich’ with life experiences.

Why wasn’t a funny man on my list of ‘The Perfect Man.’? A funny man is the best kind of man. Sean has this gift to lighten up any mood and to make everyone laugh. This characteristic is invalubale in a marriage. Thanks to love and marriage today in the here and now, we are blissfully happy.

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I’m inspired everyday to give more, to be better, to work harder.

Sofia started saying “mama” three days ago. At first I wasn’t sure but now I know that she knows I’m her mama. **blink** **blink** I’m holding back the water works.

This weekend surround yourself with inspiring people. Pour yourself a glass of your favourite drink and give yourself time to create. Paint, write a poem, write a letter, journal, make music, dance, sing, go outside and laugh, laugh and laugh some more.

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Both Emma boo and Sofi loo got their first two bottom teeth at 6 months. Apparently, the timing is not genetic as I got mine at 4 months. My doctor has told me a theory that the later the teeth come in, the healthier the teeth will be. This is true in my case as I’ve had root canals on ALL my molars. Yes, I’m sure. Not to mention the implant I had at 22. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed that they inherit their dads strong healthy teeth.

Before their first two teeth, I remember wondering why they were so cranky. Finally, when the first tooth broke through I realized the poor little monkeys must have been in pain. At 8 months they got two more bottom teeth and tonight we discovered one top middle tooth and one tooth to the far left for each.  The vampire fangs will be so cute!!

Although both girls have been miss cranky pants they’re still sleeping through the night. I’m thankful and hope that by sharing this with you I will not change my luck. I have been told molars are a nightmare. Any suggestions on how to get through this phase?

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